Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail

Every new year, you will see your Facebook friends “checking-in” at the gym, posting pictures of the salad they had for lunch on Instagram, and tweeting every single step they took that day. That’s because each new year, we all want to start fresh. We want to learn from the mistakes we made the previous year. Everyone wants, and needs, a fresh start. The problem is how we all go about doing it.

New year’s resolutions are destined to fail, unless you frame them right. When you make a bold claim like “I want to get really fit, and go to the gym everyday” or “I want to find my passion”, you set yourself up for an unrealistic goal. Or when you make a list of 5 resolutions for the year rather than focus on 1, you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make them all happen.

Why new year’s resolutions fail — in a nutshell:

1. Scattered or vague goals: The less specific your goal is, the more likely you will fail (this has been statistically and scientifically proven). If it is vague, it is easier to make excuses to not achieve it. But if you make it more detailed, you will know exactly what you need to do everyday to make your goal a reality. For instance, if my goal is to “get fit”, this is an entirely impossible task I have set out for myself. There are about 1,000,000 steps I need to take (literally) before I can achieve that. If I make this goal more detailed, such as “walking my dog every morning to get my heart rate up”, I will know the exact actions I need to take everyday to make my goal possible.

To help myself even further, I can break my resolution up into mini-goals, like taking 5,000 steps a day or taking a spin class 3 times a week. Breaking your resolution up into mini-goals as well as adding specificity makes it more actionable, achievable, and honestly less intimidating for yourself. A good new year’s resolution would be to “incorporate more fruit and vegetables into your diet” vs. “to get healthy” or to “bike to work” vs. “to get fit”. These are tangible and specific goals that you can achieve everyday.

2. Too many goals at one time: The more goals you make for yourself, the more your willpower will suffer. How many times have you tried to cut out ALL fatty foods, or tried a juice cleanse, or tried to hit the gym everyday, until you gave up and binged on fatty foods only and gave up on the gym completely? This happens way too frequently, and it’s because we use an all-or-nothing mentality. Either I’m eating healthy AND exercising, or I’m not doing either. Either I’m eating healthy all day or I’m not at all. Either I accomplish going to the gym everyday, eating healthy, and walking more, or I don’t do either.

The problem with the all-or-nothing mentality is that as soon as you make one “mistake”, you are done for good. This is the real issue with setting too many goals — it perpetuates this all-or-nothing mentality. There is also a chain reaction associated with this mentality. When you break one, you are more likely to break all. A good way to avoid falling into this trap is to focus on one resolution, and break it up into mini-goals or steps if you wish, rather than making 5 resolutions. You can always add onto this list later if you please.

3. Why the hell not: We put so much pressure on ourselves every new year to achieve these new year’s resolutions — we post about them on every social media platform imaginable, and we tell all of our friends and family members. Don’t get me wrong, these are great motivators, but they also put every action you take under a microscope, becoming gossip that everybody’s talking about rather than a goal you are pursuing for yourself. Humans are interesting creatures in that humans like to see other humans fail.

As soon as you “fail”, you feel guilt and shame. Compare this guilt and shame to that of an addict. The worse an addict feels about a minor relapse, the more likely it will turn into a major relapse. I like to call this the “why the hell not method”. If you decide to stop smoking cigarettes for the new year, and you relapse and smoke one, this one setback turns into a storm of setbacks. “Should I smoke another cigarette?” … “Why the hell not, I already messed up.”

This ties back to the all-or-nothing mentality, making you feel ashamed and guilty. This is why new year’s resolutions are often not achieved — because we make ourselves strive for perfection. But no one is perfect. It’s OK to not be perfect, and it’s OK to have small setbacks or deviations in your journey. That’s why it’s called a journey – there are many roads — some bumpy, some curvy, some completely unpaved, but in the end, you will reach your destination if you just keep moving forward.

If you’re reading this, please do yourself a favor. Take the list of new year’s resolutions you made for yourself and light it on fire (ok, it doesn’t have to be THAT dramatic). Look at the goals you have written for yourself and see if you can prioritize which resolution is most important to you. Now, make it specific. How do you want to get fit? For how long do you want to study each day? In what ways do you want to be more organized?

Also, look at the why. Why do you want to achieve this goal? If the reason has to do with someone else, like losing weight for your boyfriend or getting a reputable job for your parents, then burn the page (you can actually do it this time). Any resolution that has to do with someone else is NOT a good motivator. At the end of the day, you want this goal to be for yourself — to achieve true satisfaction in your body, in your mind, and in your heart.

You can now let out a big sigh of relief — the pressure of achieving your nearly impossible new year’s resolution is off your shoulders. Instead, let’s take this new year and focus on becoming better versions of ourselves, for ourselves. We can do it!

e

Dealing with Disappointment

I came across this post from JillFit Physiques on how to deal with disappointment, and it just made everything seem so clear to me:

Truth: No one reaches adulthood without disappointing someone.

Whether it’s a parent or grandparent, a spouse or partner, or a close friend or family member — people will not always agree with our choices.

And if we think about it, we can see it from their point of view. It’s only human that they’d want us to remain in our safe zone. It’s safer for them because nothing has to change, and they perceive that it’s safer for us too. They want to keep us from making mistakes and ending up in pain. Of course they do, they love us and don’t want us to struggle. 

But that’s also an impossible task. None of us get out of this life without some real struggle (whether we go looking for it or not), and eventually, many of us will get to a point where we need to go out and do something for ourselves, something that speaks to our soul. And though that can be scary for all involved, it’s also just part of the journey.

And the outcome is disappointing others. It’s inevitable. And you might never convince your friends or loved ones to be on your team, but you can always practice kindness and understanding, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway. If you can’t convince them with words, your actions and outcomes will speak volumes.

And the irony of this is usually the second you don’t need anyone else’s approval anymore is usually about the same time they come around.

#MondayMusings

–Reposted from JillFit Physiques

We are not crazy. We are passionate.

It is rare that I come across something on the internet that gives me goosebumps. But this blog post, written by Yann Girard, was magical. Everything that I couldn’t put into words he said with wisdom and grace. I’ve chosen a few things he wrote about, and I want to touch upon them and add my own experiences.

1. Believing that you have a reputation will only hold you back. Our “reputations” are stopping us from achieving our true potential. It’s true, I have to admit, I am constantly worrying about what my family members will think of my career choices, and what my social media networks will think of me. As Yann Girard put it:

Believing that you have a reputation will only hold you back from really experiencing and living a life you deeply care about. It will hold you back from doing the things you’d really like to do but people discourage you.

Who cares what other people think? We should try different paths, find ourselves, explore the great outdoors, travel for a year, pursue our dreams of being a Hollywood actor, and the list goes on. At the end of the day, it’s your happiness and your approval that truly matter.

2. There will never be a good time for change. This is so true. But we only have obstacles in our way if we let them get in our way:

There will never be a good time for change. It’s almost always a bad time to change things in your life. You might not have enough money. People might turn their backs on you and talk shit about you…change will never be easy. But if you wait for change to magically happen you’ll most probably be waiting your life away.

3. Creating projects will help you find what you’re good at. I completely agree with this one. If we have our hand at trying different projects, putting our own spin on them, and even pitching new ideas at the workplace or for our own start-up, we will find ourselves in the process.

If you wait until you have that perfect idea or until you know who you really are or what you really want to do with your life you will probably never start doing anything.

It’s only by starting to create things that you will figure yourself out and find your true purpose in life.

4. The world is guided by fear. Girard points out that every single person is afraid of taking risks. We all fear failure, and that’s normal. But what makes people go from ordinary to extraordinary is overlooking that fear and going for your goals. Take that fear and make use of it; let it be your fuel for success.

5. Be human and admit your flaws. In our society today, we feel the need to hide our true selves, to hide our flaws. But what makes us unique is our flaws. Instead of putting on a mask, we should aim to be more human.

People connect with people and not perfect machines. So put that mask away and be more human instead. Don’t be afraid to show your flaws.

Make sure it’s your own story you’re telling and not someone else’s.

6. Nothing in life is really a waste of time. Every experience, whether good or bad, makes us grow. Every project we completed (or didn’t complete), every journey we embarked on, every failure we experienced, and every rock bottom we have hit; these experiences make us who we are. They tell our story.

Nothing. Is. A. Waste. Of. Time.

Not the shitty job you worked at for many years. Not the bad relationship you’ve been in for many years.

It’s either a blessing or a lesson.

7. The best things in life are the things we never really planned. I love that Girard wrote about this as one of his lessons. I feel the same way in that almost everything that I have accomplished thus far that I am most proud of was something I never planned. So say YES to different opportunities that are presented to you. Don’t want to be a salesperson but you get recruited for that position? Try it out, go on the interview, see if you like it. Tying in to the previous point, every experience is worth it. I gained confidence, strength, and life-long friends from the experiences that I didn’t plan, from joining a sorority (me, a sorority girl? Not even close!), to me accepting internships for HR, PR, marketing, you name it! Take every opportunity. You never know where it will lead you.

8. You have to lose yourself to find your true inner self. At this point of the article, I got real goosebumps. That is probably one of the wisest pieces of advice I have ever received from reading one article. Life is a journey. Let yourself get lost. You will find yourself along the way.

You actually really have to lose yourself to find your true inner self. I still haven’t found it yet but I have the feeling that I’m on the right track.

9. There is no such thing as overnight success. Girard is absolutely right on this one. Everything takes time to build. Be patient, be open, be kind.

Everything in life takes a hell lot of time.

But in the end, what truly inspired me and gave me renewed energy and motivation was his blog bio:

This is for the people who look at the world from a different perspective. The ones who are restless. The ones who strive for change. The ones who see things differently. The ones who don’t accept the status quo. The ones who challenge current thinking patterns. The ones who break down existing barriers. The ones who make the impossible possible. The ones who build new things. The ones most people call crazy, but we call them passionate. This is for the people just like you and me.

Thank you to Yann Girard for a beautifully written article. I could not have said it better myself. Please follow his blog and read more.

e

Happiness is a CHOICE

When we stop chasing the world’s definition of happiness, we begin to see that the decision to experience happiness has been right in front of us all along.

10 Minutes of Meditation

In our busy lives today, we are constantly multi-tasking which can be so exhausting on our physical and mental health. I have learned from my own work experiences that it is really difficult to prioritize clarity in the mind because we need to always be thinking about work. But let me tell you, I have found that I perform WAY better at work when I give my mind a rest for just 10 minutes a day.

I try to blog about the simplest, fastest, and easiest techniques to increase health and happiness in the workplace, and in turn, in your life on a holistic scale. By downloading the app Headspace, you can get 10 free meditation sessions for 10 days. You do have to subscribe after that, but let me tell you, it is worth it. The app talks you through the different steps of clearing your mind and focusing on your breathing and the way your body feels in the present moment. A soothing and calming voice guides you through the phases step by step.

1. Make Yourself Comfortable: Before you start your meditation session, be sure you find a comfortable space. I usually like to meditate outside, under a tree or in the shade. Make sure you are sitting up with a tall posture, but feeling comfortable and calm.

2. Deep Breathing: The 10 minutes start with some deep breaths, where you close your eyes and get to focus on breathing and providing your body with serenity and quiet. The app guides you through deep breathing, allowing you to focus on where your breathing is centered. Focus on how your chest moves up and down. This is a very calming feeling.

3. Awareness of Environment: After you have closed your eyes, the app navigates you through the environment around you. What noises do you hear around you, and how can you actively listen to the noises without getting distracted and out-of-focus? What are the smells around you?

4. Scanning the Body: The app guides you through scanning your own body, imagining what parts of your body are in pain and feel heavy, as well as the parts of the body that feel comfortable, relaxed, and well-rested. After you scan your body, you evaluate your mood. How do you feel in this present moment? Do you feel relaxed and peaceful, or restless and distracted? This allows you to connect your mind and body together, creating a mindful spirit and an aware being.

5. Focus on Breathing: This last step has been most crucial to me in terms of helping me focus on my breathing, regardless of the overwhelming thoughts that may want to consume my mind. The app guides you through counting your breaths, each inhale counting as one breath, and each exhale counting as another. Count your breaths until you get to the number 10, and then start over. Why do this? This trains your mind to focus on your breaths, and your breaths only. When you get to the number 10, your mind has trained itself to go back to 1, no matter how distracted or stressed you may be. The result is a mind that can focus solely on your breathing.

6. Unwind and Stretch: Make sure to stretch and slowly open your eyes. Take your time getting up, as your body adjusts to the environment around you. How did that session make you feel? Did it bring thoughts to light that you hadn’t thought of before? Does your body feel more connected to the mind?

Overall, Headspace has really helped me prioritize just 10 minutes of my day for mindfulness, relaxation, and most importantly my mental health. Give it a shot, and let me know how it goes for you!

Get meditating,

e

Staring at a Broken Mirror

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

This beautiful quote really inspired me today.

As a woman, I feel it is sometimes IMPOSSIBLE to stop obsessing over your looks, your diet, your fitness regime, EVERYTHING. We go to the store and see magazines everywhere, with covers entitled “How to Lose 10 Pounds in 2 Weeks” or “Lose Your Bulge, and Get a Boyfriend” or even “Lose Weight Without Exercise or Diet”! How can these headlines still be on our magazine covers today? Seeing these phrases on the cover of magazines and seeing unhealthily skinny celebrities within the pages really takes a toll on women today.

We wonder, if we could just lose those last 10 pounds, or if we could just tone up our bodies a little more, maybe just MAYBE we can look skinnier, sexier, and more desirable. But let me ask you this, even if you did lose those last 10 pounds, could you guarantee your happiness?

I have a feeling the answer is no. Our society will ALWAYS find another way to make us feel worse about ourselves so that we will consume more beauty products and become a part of the masses that follow every craze they see on the media. But let’s face it, we will never be good enough in the face of the media.

So why don’t we start by being good enough for ourselves. When no one is around, do you love yourself?

Please, ladies, do yourself a favor and read this beautiful article written by JillFit. It will be a stepping stone to changing your perspective on obsession over looks, food, and fitness.

I truly hope that this post helped you in some way to find a peace of mind. Love yourself, respect yourself. There is no one in this world that can play YOUR role.

Love,

e

How to Practice Mindfulness

As young professionals, it is crucial to keep our mental health in check. Practicing mindfulness is a perfect strategy of doing so. According to Psychology Today, “Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.”

You might ask: What are the long-term benefits of mindfulness?

According to psychologist and neuroscientist Britta Holzel, the more mindful you are, the more dominant your relaxation response becomes over time. This means you have fewer stress hormones coursing through you at any given time. Stressing activates your sympathetic nervous system, the driving force behind the body’s fight-or-flight response. Imagine always being in a state of fear, as if you are running from a bear. Being stressed makes your body think that you are in this state of danger constantly. 

With the practice of mindfulness, you will learn how to decrease your stress, and over time, suppress this fight-or-flight response when it is unnecessary.

How do I practice mindfulness? 

Start your practice. Try to set aside 10-20 minutes a day in your work schedule. I recommend doing this first thing in the morning to get a fresh perspective on the day. You can practice mindfulness anywhere, from the cubicle to the park. It is important to find a space that makes you feel comfortable and calm. Let’s begin by going over the steps.

Step 1. Breathe. UCLA’s Mindful Awareness director Diana Winston recommends to just breathe. Sit or stand in a quiet place and breathe naturally. Focus on the sensations in your stomach and chest. Keep a strong posture.

Step 2. Become Aware. Notice the sounds around you, the movement of the grass as you take your daily walk, and the strength of your body as you sit at your desk.

Step 3. Find your center. Use the focus built during this exercise in real life scenarios. If you feel anxious or stressed throughout the day, don’t push your thoughts away. Rather, acknowledge where the stress is coming from so you can make yourself better.

Step 4. Know when to stop. If you ever find yourself angry, sad, or extremely emotional, take a breath and stop. Observe what is happening inside and outside of you, then proceed with whatever you are doing. This will allow your body to relax before you go.

If you don’t have time to do all of these steps above, here are a couple that have really helped me through my internships.

1. Breathe in and breathe out. Inhale through your nose and exhale out of your mouth. When you inhale, imagine good energy coming inside of your body. As you exhale, envision the bad energy leaving your body. This imagery will help you focus on the present moment and allow you to get rid of any stress about the future.

2. Chill out. People who practice a state of relaxation and mindfulness everyday can actually change the structure of their brains, strengthening the areas that control emotions and stress responses, according to Ph.D. psychologist Britta Holzel, a neuroscience researcher at Charite Hospital in Germany. Practicing mindfulness will allow you to focus all of your attention on the present moment, making you calm, relaxed, and ready to face obstacles that come your way.

Hope these steps help you feel more relaxed throughout your workday!